Get Out...Get Going!

The possessive kind of people; may be a girl or a boy, are not only interested about their respective love-interests but they are too engrossed in the other person’s life. May it be personal, professional, social, psychological or even geographical for that matter; they want total control of the other person. In the process they forget what is called ‘The Space’ of the person. Let’s elaborate on this aspect:
Checking out the incoming and outgoing calls, SMSs, emails, postal mails, etc. of the person; may or may not be to the best of their knowledge. I have met a girl who had gone up to the extent that she would give a call to an incoming/outgoing number if the name of the person was unknown or not displayed in her boyfriend’s list. The reason for this over-possessiveness is one and only; INSECURITY. What if he/she falls in love with someone else? What if he/she betrays me? What if he/she two-times with me? Where would I go? To whom will I turn for help? I’ll be all alone. And what will the world say that I was incapable of holding on to my love! Then all of a sudden the gush of fright, chills and a sense that the world will surely be over.
To tell you honestly, I feel the basis of any love-story is TRUST. Trust in yourself, trust in your love. I don’t say that you let go everything that he/she does. But you yourself analyze the depth of every unnecessary behavior that you have adamantly accepted as a necessary aspect. Whenever you are together make him/her as comfortable as you would make any of your friends comfortable. If he likes to talk about movies ask him the latest reviews if he has any. If she love to gossip about her friends, be cozy and let her speak out every single word she wants to. Never let him distract or get bored by your presence. If he has a call and wants to attend it aloofly then let him do so. If not informed, do not keep on pestering with “whose call was it”? To be precise, be super cool about the relationship. It sounds super-cool to do; nevertheless it is super-difficult to carry out. All this requires a lot of patience before it is converted into a habit. If you are kind to the person, even if he/she decides to stir away from you, it won’t happen. I have seen this work. And in spite of your kind and beautiful behavior this drift happens, always remember the line “IT WAS NEVER YOURS”. Never does it make any sense to keep on hanging on to a lose branch if it is going to break eventually.
Just because you fear to go through a lonely phase of life, doesn’t mean you make your present life a big drag. I have seen boys writing blood-stained letters, girls deciding to bob their beautiful heads to their ceiling fan, girls sobbing every single drop till they need to be admitted to the nearest hospital, depression, anxiety, nervous-breakdown, trauma and finally what is left is a long trace of unwanted memories and even worst; a totally wrecked life.
You know the most standard way for anybody to start crying is like this. First the chin starts shaking, the nostrils start expanding, and the lower lip is in total synchronization with the chin, the cheeks turn a bit red, the eyes start moving and then a small drop brings the final message out. Now that’s what I call a decent way to cry. You may be a girl or a boy who possibly has a small drop of tear in their eye by now.

Don’t do this to yourself people…seriously! No one in this entire world is worth those precious emotions. Think of your parents for whom you have been the only reason to live. Except for your closest family NO ONE in this world is worth so much involvement. The harshest truth of life is that friends are never permanent. Best Friends are none. All we have are Good Friends with whom you can have fun and share some moments of happiness and grief. Family is the only group of people who would stay with you till you do not leave this world. Girlfriends & Boyfriends are a chance that you can take. If it works you are lucky. If it doesn’t then you are luckier because now you have a failed relationship in your kitty and lots of experience for a future successful venture. Come-on folks you get to live just once. Live it to the fullest, in your own possible way. Don’t get addicted to something because of this entire trauma. Alcohol, Cigarettes, drugs are the easiest way of not getting that beautiful person you have always wanted to be with. Give God some time to send you your gift. Else when you reach the gates of Heaven all you might know is that your gift was already dispatched to your old address.

Case 1: Did you forget someone?

Disclaimer: Characters given below are just examples. Any reference to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

It's been months that I have visited my own blog. Honestly speaking even I am the least interested to visit this page. But you know at times there is a moment when all your major concerns are coming to a halt. Your current project has become a drag and all you can think about is just one line "THIS LIFE SUCKS"! I was at that point of time just 2 mins ago and then it suddenly struck to me that "man I used to have a blog"! Even while opening this page I had to clear off cobwebs to view my own page.

OK, jokes apart! Some serious talking to do! Since many years I have been coming across people with different attitudes, with issues related to their relations (It's quite a relative world you see). Since the past 4 years I have seen girls sobbing on a failed relationship, guys laughing on a totally failed relationship, confused guys, equally confused girls, desperate people, and lonely people. You name it and I have seen that type of a guy/gal. It has been so much now that people have started calling me "The Counselor". At times I feel it's cool! The very fact that people trust you is a reason enough to be proud of.

So here I am trying my level best to type down some generic ideas that all you lovelorn people could follow. I don't know who and how many will read it. But if no one does then it's time I'll be starting off with a book. So if you feel this was pathetic enough to be seen on a book again then start visiting this page regularly.

So here we go!

Case 1: "Why didn’t he give me a call?"

One fine morning a friend gave a call and asked me to meet at our regular hangout. I had just come out of the bathroom after having a bath and was trying to hold the towel around my waist with hand and trying to hold the receiver with the other hand.

"Yes sure! When"? I asked the girl across the phone.

"Mmmmm! Now"?

"What! Are you nuts! I just had a bath and my mom has strictly warned me to stay indoors" I tried to be as convincing as possible.

"Now...Please!" she replied being sure that she was more convincing than me.

So after a small usual tiff with my mum I drove to the place. Mom had made sure that I don't go out on an empty stomach and hence I was the least interested in any beverages. You know it's really difficult and irritating for someone to wait for someone outside a hotel and that too totally alone and on top of that for 45 whole mins. No no wait, I never said I was waiting! Looking at me in the most dejected manner she said "Don't you have any concern for anyone's feelings"! You know, none of the girls I meet hold a relationship with me but ironically all of them say the same thing when I go to meet them.

After a long tea break, I asked her "Now madam, what's up! How's Nitin?" (Unfortunately, Nitin is her boyfriend and my friend).

Moving her index finger on the rim of the coffee-cup and blindly staring at the steaming coffee inside, she nodded her head slightly in negation. After meeting so many people, today I am used to this expression and can easily get an idea of what's in store for me for the next 2 hours.

"What happened?" I asked, trying to be very supportive.

She started with her story "Sam, we've been going around for almost a year now and I am still not sure where we are going. I mean, he is very sweet, very supportive. He has been around when I needed him the most. But lately he has been acting strangely. Whenever we meet, most of the time he tends to be silent. I had my exams the other day and he even forgot to wish me good luck. Last weekend I was missing him like anything and when I asked him to meet me he said he was busy with his work. Then after two hours when I again gave a call, he was on the badminton court. He had time to play badminton but had no time to meet me when I needed him the most. That very day I had a major issue at home. My grandfather was not feeling well..."

"What happened to him?" I interrupted.

"He was having a very rough cough and cold that morning" was first of her major issues at home. If this was the ‘major-est’ then what were the other reasons doing? The old man has asthama since 15 years and for him having a cough is like brushing teeth, every day.

"OK, proceed..."

She proceeded..."Then I had a quarrel with mummy. She wanted me to have breakfast and I had strictly warned her that I won't be having a breakfast. And then she..." this useless saga continued for 5 minutes.

"Pallavi...focus...focus..." I tried to bring her back on the main track.

"What?" she sounded puzzled.

"We were talking about Nitin. Focus on that issue."

"That's what I was saying..." and then the mummy returned.
After around 5 more minutes she came back on the Nitin issue "So, with this entire headache I wanted to talk to him desperately and he was just ignoring me for the heck of it. I mean what am I here for! I am also a human being. I too have feelings. Do I deserve all this?"

"Ya, ya right!" I replied affirmatively.

"What right!"

"I mean you are right. You don't deserve all this." I barely saved my ears from a sound lecture.

And so she proceeded "Then the other day I had to go to a friend's birthday party. He gave me a call and asked me to meet immediately. I sacrificed that party and went to meet him. Doesn't this mean anything to him! When I had my exams over my head he was not feeling well and I stayed with him the entire day because his mom had to go to the office. I have been sacrificing so much and shouldn't I expect some attention from the only person I care the most?"

Till this time at least a dozen drops have finally boarded the eye, each one ready to race down as fast as possible. And then the silent sobbing and wiping of cheeks followed.

Whenever a girl is at her best in this scene never stop her. I bet you will surely fail. The over-supportiveness breaks them down too much. In fact, the minor sobbing always helps them calm down. Surely, be supportive by words like "Relax Pallavi", "It's ok, it's ok", "Chill!", "Wow what a babe that girl on the Honda is!"... No, no, no...Not the last one.

1 more Disclaimer: This and many more additions will soon follow in the blogs to come. To all you girls; this is just one side of the story in which I'll be showing where you people go wrong. The other side, for guys will be in the next blog. So wipe your last drop of tear and keep that hanky down. Now give me a nice smile. I took a very simple and basic scenario. This generic situation can be seen in 90% of the cases. Right now I am sure 70% of the girls will be saying "Mmmm...not exactly. Ya at times, but not always". And I am also sure that 95% of the guys must be saying "Man! This is fantastic. It's absolutely perfect".

The problem isn't with a particular girl. It's about girls. Whenever you are in a relationship, the first and foremost mistake to do is to lose all other contacts. Friends, Best friends all start missing you and eventually you start missing all the parties and get-togethers that they attend. Agreed, that the only fuel to nurture a relationship is lots and lots of time. But too much of time with each other means cutting down each and every relation, one by one. Family is the most important thing, people say so. But the problem in a relationship is that these people only say so and cut down on their family linkages. Back home, your father wants to share a joke with you. Your mother wants to advice you something. Your sister wants to have a fight with you. All this is very important. Without these people, your life has absolutely no meaning. When you are in a relationship it's like you are hanging on to a shaky edge of a cliff. If not taken due care the remaining cliff starts becoming smoother and slippery. So in case your main edge gives way, you don't have anything to hold on to. Always remember that boys have a usual tendency to contact their friends whenever possible. Take for instance your relationship (if you are a girl). Your boyfriend will have at least 2 to 3 friends to hang out with, whenever possible. On the other hand, if you are of the possessive kind, wellllllll, ...max. 1; who might not be available when needed. Here I am talking about best friends and not mere friends or acquaintances.

So think now and get in touch with all the other NECESSARY links. Indulge in useless gossip if required. Inquire about their relationships, friends, and family. Be supportive and accept them back. This way, they will accept you too. They might be having many complaints against you. Listen to them. Don’t fire back. Because you were not there when they needed you and today you need them or tomorrow you might need them, and they are or will be there.

To be continued... Please post some comments people. Feels Good!